Facing 50

• Turning 50 means getting invited to join AARP.
• Turning 50 means a lot of your friends are grandparents.
• Turning 50 means you need reading glasses to see the lyrics that came with your new CD. And turning 50 means you still buy CDs.
• Turning 50 means you sleep best while there’s a football game on.
• Turning 50 means it really hurts to sit on the bleachers through an entire basketball game.
• Turning 50 means realizing that you should have been putting more money into that IRA.
• Turning 50 means trying to decide if you should keep using Just For Men or just give it up.
• Turning 50 means discovering people you thought were kind of old are actually younger than you.
• Turning 50 means really appreciating pants that have those stretchy waistbands.
• Turning 50 means feeling your belly bounce when you drive over railroad tracks.
• Turning 50 means wondering if your favorite really cool hoodie makes it look like you’re trying desperately to hold onto your youth.
• Turning 50 means you think socks actually are a good birthday gift to receive.
• Turning 50 means wondering if you had learned the lessons you should have when you were younger if you’d still be where you are today.
• Turning 50 means taking out the 40 watt light bulb in the reading lamp by your bed and replacing it with a 60 watt bulb.
• Turning 50 means never having to “Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat” again.
• Turning 50 means that all the athletes on TV are half your age. Unless you count golfers and bowlers.
• Turning 50 means bowling can tire you out.
• Turning 50 means craning your neck back in order to read the newspaper.
• Turning 50 means never having to worry about whether the girl in the next car is checking you out.
• Turning 50 means never knowing if wrestling with your kids will lead to a Vicodin prescription and the weekend in bed.
• Turning 50 means you’re older than the President of the United States. And what exactly have you done with your life?
• Turning 50 makes you more tolerant. And more intolerant.